we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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