Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
