Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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