the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
