I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
