i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
