Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
