She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
