its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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