Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
