Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
