i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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