Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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