last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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