Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
