Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
