Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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