I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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