I heard we made out
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bring money and cleavage
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There r osticjed everywhere
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize