batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
