If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
