in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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