i permit you to call me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
