Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
