Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
