And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize