Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
