did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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