I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
