So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
