I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
