I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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