I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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