i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
