I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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