so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
