Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
