This is not my ceiling
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
