I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
