Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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