I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
