I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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