Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
