Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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