doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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