Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
