Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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