Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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