jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
