I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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