I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
