this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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