I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
and you fell through a lawn chair
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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