the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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