I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
