Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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