Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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