He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
