apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
