Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
