Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
