You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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