Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i think my cat just said my name.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
