i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
