drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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