You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
