also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
