This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize