I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
