Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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