Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
