I wish you could order shots online.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize