He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
