I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
