Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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