Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
