Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sarcasm needs its own font
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
