Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
