We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
