A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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