No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
