Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
