We won't sleep together?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
