Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
