Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
