The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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