Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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