I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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