Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize