i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
