You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i think i just lost a toe
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize