I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
